Anger

And so it is with anger: We are never angry at what we think we are; and anger is the ego’s attempt at making someone else feel guilty for our own inner pain and grief.

A dear soul and I recently completed a project that, for some, would be considered stressful.  On one particular day during this several-month-long project, we were both having a trying day and upon my making a comment that was perceived as an attack against my brother, he snapped and yelled at me.  I tried to remain calm, step aside and let the anger pass by, and simply got on with the task at hand.

Later that day I forwarded the following passage to my brother, along with love:

You are still asleep if you blame others, situations or events for your stressful feelings.  Stress comes to tell us there is something we need to change within our self, not in the other. All stress is self-created regardless of the circumstances.  Every time you blame others for what you feel, it means you are asleep to the truth that your thoughts and feelings are your response, therefore your responsibility or ‘response ability’.  The awakened person accepts full responsibility for their thoughts/emotions/attitudes/actions…everywhere and always! Not easy, especially when almost everyone seems to find it easier to point the finger, which means they have learned to believe ‘it’s not me, it’s them’.

Much to my delight, this was my brother’s response:

On the other hand one could say all emotions are self created - sadness, joy, love; but of course they are not. The potential to experience these emotions is always there but lays dormant until awakened through human or non-human (nature) interaction.  That’s the beauty of the human condition.  Blame and stress are a lethal mix but they are not co-joined.  Often, and certainly with me, the anger and blame and subsequent stress I feel are self directed.  I blame no one but myself.  (One can feel stress without anger and anger without stress).  My snapping at you yesterday was  a moment I felt stress, anger and shame...but my anger was at me for creating a situation over which I do not have full control, my haphazard manner in which I do things, and shame for lashing out at you and the people I love most in life.   So while it may seem as though I was pointing my finger at you, my finger was pointed directly at me.

And so it is with anger:

1. We are never angry at what we think we are.
2. Anger is the ego’s attempt at making someone else feel guilty for our own inner pain and grief.

The next time you feel anger welling up inside you, you will do well to remember the lessons above.  If possible, step away from the situation and be still, quiet, for a moment.  Bring yourself back to your heart place—where love rests to be shared with all those around you.

Shanti, Namaste, Agapé,