Everything Is Being Stripped Away

This month offers another blessing and opportunity to share a teaching from my caregiving journey. For those of you following along over the past few years, you know my beloved partner lives with advanced stages of Parkinsons that is now presenting dementia. Last month I shared that my partner was hospitalized on at the beginning of May and will not be returning home, but will be transitioned into the long-term care system. These events have created a set of circumstances resulted in my decision to sell our home and find another place to live.

The process of letting go of my partner is the most intense stripping away of the unfolding experience. To know we will not be living together again has created some very deep emotional gashes. These events have initiated a process of saying goodbye to my loved one. As one door closed, another opens. But this closing door is very heavy at this time.

The process of preparing our home for sale is the most vivid, daily reminder of things being stripped away. Box after box of ‘stuff’ is being donated to charity or discarded. Clothes, books, cookware, pots, pans, plates, utensils, artwork, furniture, you name it, it is all being given away, stripped away.

Most of my work-related activities have abruptly ground to a halt. I am maintaining a bare minimum of activities related to my spiritual ministry. Other creative initiatives, however, have been cast off.

Social-related activities have also abruptly stopped. My passion of outdoor cycling has been put aside for now. I trust I will return to that beloved physical activity should Life want that to happen. I do maintain daily, physical exercise, but it’s mostly indoors. I do still enjoy my walks in the surrounding area. So all outdoor activity has not ceased.

The majority of what socializing I enjoyed has also been stripped away, as my time is primarily devoted to daily hospital visitation and preparing our home for sale. I am very blessed to have a few, dear friends who are compassionately checking in on me regularly and that I get together with for brief meetups to enjoy their company and compassionate support.

As I watch so much of my life being stripped away, there is a growing awareness of a purification-of-sorts unfolding. The material possessions mean nothing. While there are some things I have felt the pangs of emotional loss in letting go of, for the most part it is so cleansing to watch ‘stuff’ go out the door to what I hope are grateful recipients at the local charity donation centres. While I miss some of my work-related activities, it also feel some relief in letting some things go. I do feel a significant loss about not enjoying my days on my bike, but that too somehow feels appropriate at this time. I have a saying… ‘there is a time and place for everything in life.’ It’s not the right time to be doing that activity right now.

Yes, it’s painful to watch all this being stripped away. But this awareness of a purification-of-sorts unfolding is leaving me with some intriguing questions What will be left when I get through this? What will I look like? What will I feel like? What will remain? What will emerge?

Believe it or not, there is an intrigue about this unfolding process of stripping away. What could possibly be in store for me? What is life choreographing for me? Where is life leading me? What does life want for me? What is life GIVING me?

Robert Meagher has been ordained as an Interfaith Minister and certified as a Sacred Attention Therapy (SAT) Therapist. Robert is the Founder and Spiritual Director for Spiritual Guidance and Co-Founder of the Center for Human Awakening.