Forgive Them…For They Know Not What They Do

Many of you may be familiar with the famous biblical scene of Jesus’ crucifixion and him uttering the words “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34 KJV) There has been much written about the meaning of Jesus’ words. But I recently had an experience that gave me personal insight to what may have been going through Jesus’ head when he uttered those words.

One day in November, I was leaving the long-term care home after having visited my partner on that day. It was a trying visit and I was feeling rather ‘beaten up’ emotionally. I was walking with my head down, with a heavy heart and feeling dejected.

As I approached the parking lot where my car was parked, I lifted my head. At that precise moment, a car backed up into the driver’s side of my car. I will never forget the sound of crunching metal. As the car moved away from my car, I could see the indentation in my car door. I was stunned! I froze momentarily; only to be jolted out of my daze when the driver backed up into my car for a second time!

My awareness of the unfolding events expanded as I realized the driver of the car was an 80-perhaps-90-year-old-man who was very confused about how to get out of the parking space he was in. His choice of maneuvers was placing him in a more precarious position with every turn of the wheel.

A host of thoughts started racing through my mind…

How many more times is this guy going to hit my car? How can this man be allowed to have a driver’s license? How on earth is he going to get out of this parking lot without hitting my car, or other cars, repeatedly?

I pondered my options…

I knew I could choose to do the normal thing…go over to the driver, inform him he had backed in to my car multiple times, damaging my car…and proceed to exchange insurance information so that I could make a claim for repair of the damage. I can remember thinking… “I may be doing everyone a favor—me, the driver, unsuspecting bystanders, etc.—by having the driver prosecuted so that he wouldn’t harm himself or anyone else by his driving skills, or lack thereof. The next thought that ran through my mind was… “Will this old fella even have insurance?”

As the thoughts continued to race through my head, one of the attendants in the parking hut ran over to the man and his car, recognizing what had happened and what was unfolding. The parking attendant patiently and compassionately helped the elderly man out of his car, drove the car out of the parking lot, and helped the man (who could not walk on his own) back to his car.

As all this was happening, I simply sat on a nearby curb, watching it all unfold. A calm came over me. There was an awareness that I could not change what just happened (i.e., the man backing in to my car twice), as it all happened so quickly. I watched with much gratitude as the parking attendant helped the old man so that no further damage was done to my car, or other cars in the parking lot.

The old man got in his car and drove off. I said a prayer that he would arrive at his destination safely, without harming himself or anyone else.

At this point you may deduce I chose not to confront the driver of the car and collect the necessary information to make an insurance claim. Why? Well, after surveying the situation, I asked myself… “What’s the point?” The old man had no idea what he was doing. I could see the confusion in his eyes. He had no idea how to maneuver his car out of the parking spot. He was afraid. He was so afraid that he had no awareness that he was backing in to my car. He was aware there was a car in back of him, but he had no awareness he had made contact with the car. He just needed to get himself out of there! He simply did not know what he was doing.

My decision to not confront the man was not a righteous one. My decision was rooted in the wisdom teachings to “Don’t sweat the small stuff. And remember, it’s all small stuff.” It was a decision to just let it go. It was a decision for my peace. And that peace is only possible through forgiveness. Would I condemn myself for having done the same thing if the scenario was reversed? Then why would I condemn this elderly man? My car was damaged, but not disabled. The car would be fine. The car would still get me from point A to point B. After all was said and thought and done, the man backing in to my car simply didn’t matter. Goodness knows, I had what felt like far more important things to think about.

Was this what Jesus was thinking about when he uttered the word “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.”? Had Jesus arrived at the state of mind where he just let it all go? Was it peace Jesus was pursuing and he realized the only way to obtain that peace was to forgive everything and all? Had Jesus arrived at a state of awareness that, in the end, what was being done to him simply didn’t matter? We’ll never know. But are there opportunities in our lives to just let things go. To acknowledge, even witness, the unfolding, but to choose for peace in our response to that unfolding?

Robert Meagher has been ordained as an Interfaith Minister and certified as a Sacred Attention Therapy (SAT) Therapist. Robert is the Founder and Spiritual Director for Spiritual Guidance and Co-Founder of the Center for Human Awakening.