Learn, Don’t Pity

Several years ago I visited a quadriplegic man.  His name was Tim.  He was interviewing me for a personal care attendant job.  I had not performed personal care work of that magnitude in some time, but when I saw Tim’s ad in the paper, I felt compelled to follow up.

For many years I watched a dear friend go from being an accomplished athlete to being able to move only her head—as Multiple Sclerosis (MS) ravaged her body.  Over the years I have seen what it is like to be around someone who is 100% dependent on other people to care for them.

Tim was a joyous soul.  He was full of life and had a beautiful, peaceful demeanor about him.  Several of Tim’s personal care workers had suddenly, and simultaneously, had to move out of town.  Tim was left in a lurch and needed to find new personal care attendants, and fast.  We talked about my background in caregiving for a quadriplegic and my availability to help Tim.

Tim was remarkably considerate of me and my personal situation that led me to his side.  I mean…here is this man who on any normal day fights to even exist!  He spends every waking hour trying to figure out how he will survive the day—and he was finding it within himself to see beyond his own personal situation to be compassionate, caring and considerate toward me.  Tim was so polite and respectful.  It brought a smile to my face.  He was so grateful for my dropping by to visit and discuss his caregiving needs.

If there’s one thing my friend with MS taught me is that most people with injuries similar to Tim’s are not interested in your pity.  They simply want you to help them have a moment, if ever so brief, of self-sufficiency, of dignity, of self-respect, and dare I say…love.

In that one short visit with Tim, I learned more about selflessness, compassion, caring, considerateness and love than it takes most people a lifetime to learn.  I was the lucky one to be in his presence.  I was the one blessed by his light, by his spirit.

In love, gratitude, compassion and forgiveness…

Shanti, Namaste, Agapé,