Our Freedom and Peace is in Letting Go

So much of our discontent is the result of us holding on. When we hold on to things, we create the fertile ground for sadness, anxiety, grievances, anger, hatred, and conflict.

What do I mean by holding on? I don’t mean holding on to things in the literal sense. For example, I don’t mean holding on to a coffee mug or a hair dryer. Although, if either the coffee mug or hair dryer are scalding hot, letting go will immediately stop the burning sensation. I am referring to holding on to things of an emotional or psychological nature. For example, holding on to the way life was. Or, holding on to expectations that someone will act or behave a certain way. Or, holding on to hopes and wishes that something will turn out a certain way.

Allow me to share an example that shows what holding on can look like from different angles. I will use one of my passions, cycling, as an example.

Cycling season in Ottawa, ON, CANADA, runs from, approximately, April through to November. The heart of the cycling season is May through September, with cycling in April and October being hit and miss from a weather standpoint. There are some hardy cyclists who cycle year-round, regardless of the weather, but those brave souls are scarce.

When my cycling season stops, in late October or early November, I turn to other outdoor activities to get some exercise in the great outdoors. My primary exercise in the cycling off season is hiking. If the weather cooperates, I will get out to enjoy some cross-country skiing and/or ice skating. The warming of our climate has seen less snow and cold in Ottawa, and the season for skiing and skating has shrunk significantly over the past five year alone!

During the cycling off season, I often find myself reminiscing and daydreaming about my cycling adventures from the previous season. My reminiscing and daydreaming are a form of holding on. When I hold on to my memories of my cycling adventures, I miss the chance to embrace the present moment and the present opportunities to enjoy other activities. I miss the opportunity to allow the ebb and flow of life to lead me, instead of me trying to control my life. Trying to control my life surely is a recipe for discontent.

Continuing to use my love of cycling, allow me to share a different form or angle of holding on…

I recently shared about my partner’s dementia diagnosis. In the weeks following the diagnosis, I scampered my way through a myriad of emotions. I was drawn into projecting on to the future what things would be like. Even though I am fully aware I cannot possibly know what will happen in the very next moment, let alone weeks or months from now, I fell into a practice of predicting what the future would hold.

One of the focal points of my commiseration was the prediction that I would have to give up my outdoor cycling in order to stay close and watch over my partner. The thoughts of giving up outdoor cycling led me to sadness, anger, and resentment. I realized just how much I was holding on to my anticipation of a future state of being (i.e., cycling outdoors again). The only way out of this emotional predicament was to let go of my wants and needs. There is a beautiful teaching that goes something like this… ‘We don’t always want what we need, and we don’t always need what we want.’

Ultimately, it is a matter of surrendering to life. Can I trust enough in life that life will do what is the best for me? Can I trust that there is a time and place for everything in life and that if I cannot do something right now, that is what life has in store for me? Can I surrender to life and trust that a Will greater than mine is at play and that to fight that Will is not the path to peace? My path to peace is surrendering to the truth that life is not happening to me, but life is happening FOR me. If I am meant to do something in the future, I will do it. If I am not meant to do something in the future, I will not do it. It’s that simple.

I have used a couple of very simple examples of what I mean by holding on. I trust you can realize the places in your life where you are holding on. Letting go, or surrendering, doesn’t mean giving up all our hopes and dreams. There’s nothing wrong with hoping and dreaming. Just realize that we plan, hope, and dream because we are afraid of what would happen if we didn’t! Planning, hoping, and dreaming can have some very practical applications in our lives (e.g., making a grocery list to go to the store), but our peace is found in letting go and accepting all that is.

Robert Meagher has been ordained as an Interfaith Minister and certified as a Sacred Attention Therapy (SAT) Therapist. Robert is the Founder and Spiritual Director for Spiritual Guidance and Co-Founder of the Center for Human Awakening.