The Gifts of Awareness

“Awareness is the greatest agent for change.”

Eckhart Tolle

One day last month my partner and I were out running errands. We parked the car, stepped out of the car, and proceeded to cross the street to pick up some items at a store across the street. There were no cars coming in either direction for as far as the eye could see, so we could take our time crossing the street. This was a good thing, as the slow, shuffling gate of my partner (side-effect of his Parkinson’s disease) meant crossing the street quickly was not an option.

Even though I was walking slowly, I was ahead of my partner by a few steps. I then noticed a cyclist hurling his way toward us at a rapid pace. As the cyclist came closer, I could see he was not slowing down at all. He was heading on a collision course for my partner and not deviating his path at all. It was clear my partner was not aware of the cyclist getting closer and closer and my partner’s slow, shuffling gate remained unaltered.

Only a few meters from my partner did the cyclist finally swerve to avoid a collision. As the cyclist passed by he grumbled something at us, sharing a few words of discontent.

As the perceived, unkind words left the mouth of the passing cyclist, I felt anger rising up in me. I can remember being aware of my thoughts projecting toward the cyclist, “Couldn’t you see this elderly man was struggling to get across the street!? Couldn’t you see he was not watching where he was going!? Couldn’t you have slowed down a little earlier and passed by without any rude outbursts!? Couldn’t you have been more kind and compassionate!!!?” I felt the anger continue to rise in me. It reached a crescendo when I became aware I wanted to run after the cyclist and physically harm him for being so rude, disrespectful and unthoughtful.

Then, at the same time these angry emotions were running wild, I became aware that I was watching myself react to this whole scene. It was like I was sitting in a theatre watching a play and the main character was me! I watched the actions and felt the emotions from the actors. I can remember thinking to myself, “Wow!...I haven’t felt this kind of anger in a very long time. What’s up with that!?”

The two streams of conscious thought ran side-by-side; like two televisions sitting next to each other and each was showing a different program.

Then, when the cyclist turned the corner and peddled out of site, my egoic anger turned to my partner. I can remember projecting onto my partner… “Didn’t you see the cyclist coming!? How could you NOT have seen the cyclist coming!!!? My God, you almost got hit! You could have been badly hurt!!!”

As this new wave of egoic anger projected toward my partner coursed through me, the ‘observer’ continued to watch the whole scene unfold—every action and every emotion.

By this point (no more than 5 seconds after the cyclist passed us on the street), my partner was safely on the other side of the street. When he was safely up on the sidewalk, he looked up at me and smiled, completely oblivious to what had just transpired. And then it dawned on me…

That cyclist was a gift from God. The whole scene was brought to me to show me my own fears. Mainly, the fear of knowing my partner’s health continues to decline and that the year’s ahead may contain some challenging times. The whole scene had nothing at all to do with the cyclist, or my partner. It was all about my fears of losing my partner to a horrific disease and being left alone.

As I gently took my partners arm and walked toward the store with him, I silently blessed the cyclist for giving me the gift of that moment, and the awareness it brought me. What a gift it is indeed, to be aware. To know that life does not happen to us, but life happens for us. What a gift it is to know that life has nothing to do with what goes on outside of us but everything to do with what goes on inside of us. What happens outside is simply a mirror on our soul—a lesson from the Divine—being offered to us for our teaching.

May your awareness be blessed by the knowing the no one and no thing outside of you affects how you see the world. Only your mind sees the world and your soul invites your awareness.

Shanti, Namaste, Agapé,