When I Know It’s My Ego Is At Work

People have asked me “When do I know if my ego is doing the talking, or Spirit is flowing through me and the words I speak are of Spirit?”

This is a very important question and a very personal one. Like with most matters of this ineffable, philosophical nature, one size does not fit all. I have heard it said that the ego always wants to speak first. This teaching goes on to offer we must learn to pause before we speak and choose our words carefully. But how long do we pause? How long do we wait to respond, instead of react?

I have noticed something about my ‘talking,’ responding, reacting. There are times when I speak in response to a question or comment that something comes over me; I lose the sense that I am talking. The words flow out of me. I know my lips are moving, my mouth is moving to form the words. But it doesn’t feel ‘normal.’ When I am in this state, there is one, unequivocal commonality among these experiences…I cannot remember what I said. If I am asked to repeat what I just said, I simply cannot. I often can’t even remember the gist of what I said.

Unlike when I speak from the ego, I can often remember much of what I say, if not be able to repeat it verbatim. I have no problem being able to summarize or repeat the saliant points of what I said. This goes for anything—whether I am speaking in anger, defending myself, chatting with friends, having a conversation with an acquaintance or, generally, any person. If you ask me what I just said, I will probably be able to repeat myself or, at least, highlight the main point of what I said, repeating it another way.

But when I have those experiences of something talking through me, I am not able to remember what I say. It’s almost like another being or entity is speaking and I am removed from the conversation, in mind and body. It may not be surprising that most times I recall having these experiences is when I am in a group setting discussing spiritual matters or teachings, or in a therapeutic setting.

The other times I know it’s not the ego talking is when I sit in silence and not talk. Granted, in most of these situations, my mind is thinking with the ego. This may be obvious, but it is not without its important teachings. I will often get asked, as I am sure you have been too, “So…what do you think?” To which I increasingly respond, “I try not to think.”

The thinking mind is always led by/with ego. If we are thinking, we are engaging our ego. My act of sitting down in front of the computer, tapping on the keyboard to write/type this article, is an act of engaging my ego. Granted, I have had experiences, and heard of others’ experiences, whereby I sit down at the keyboard and, again, something comes over me and my fingers fly over the keyboard but I feel removed from the act. What comes out on the paper/screen flows effortlessly. But normally, as in the case of this and most every article I have ever written, I think my way through the article and, thus, think with the ego.

Is it any surprise that the core of any meditation practice I have ever engaged in invites me to clear my mind and let all thought go…to sit in stillness and empty my mind. It is from the egoless place (or less ego) that peace is possible.

Robert Meagher has been ordained as an Interfaith Minister and certified as a Sacred Attention Therapy (SAT) Therapist. Robert is the Founder and Spiritual Director for Spiritual Guidance and Co-Founder of the Center for Human Awakening.