Whose Projection Is It?

I was sitting at a local Café waiting for a friend. Before my friend arrive, an acquaintance ventured into the Café. When the acquaintance and I saw each other, we greeted each other with a hug. Before I hugged this acquaintance, however, I felt a surge of compassion course through me because I was aware that this acquaintance had been going through a difficult relationship breakup. I knew this acquaintance had been going through a difficult relationship breakup because their ‘ex’ had been regularly attending one of my weekly therapy groups and had shared their experience of the relationship coming to an end.

As I greeted this acquaintance in the Café, I also felt a little awkward because I knew both the members of the couple. I had heard many stories from the ‘ex’ about how the other had behaved and treated them, both during the relationship and during the breakup. I had not heard the ‘others’ side of the story. So when I was face to face with the ‘other,’ the acquaintance, I did wonder what their side of the story was.

The acquaintance and I chatted briefly. At one point I asked, “How are you?”

“Okay, I guess,” said the acquaintance.

I sensed their dis-ease and let them know I was available to sit with them, and listen, if they wanted or needed that space. We eventually said our goodbyes.

The next morning, I received an email from the acquaintance I bumped into at the Café the evening before. Here is what the acquaintance wrote:

 I couldn't help but think about you after I saw you yesterday. I felt like you had sadness in your eyes. I am no psychic however. Even still, I will wish to have some happiness sent your way.

Who was feeling what in the experience related above? I sensed dis-ease from the acquaintance I greeted in the Café. But was that dis-ease my own? Was it really a projection of my own uncomfortableness in seeing one member of the couple who I had heard so many negative things about? Was the acquaintance’s comment in their email “I felt like you had sadness in your eyes.” merely their projection onto me of their own sadness?

The experience recounted above may seem simple and innocuous. But it is imbued with a plethora of opportunity for reflection, analysis, and healing. Because I can only take responsibility for my own perception and the feelings associated with my perception, I will do well to reflect and examine what was really going on in the two-headed exchange shared above—the meeting at the Café and the email the following morning. Working through what I saw, my emotions, feelings, and reactions, will allow me to carry even more healing energy to other, similar encounters in the future.