Spiritual Guidance Blog
Giving Advice and Sacred Attention Therapy
by Robert Meagher on 03/02/19
The therapeutic process is a mystery. And Sacred Attention Therapy (SAT) is no exception. To help demystify the process, I offer an introductory session to new aspirants. When I meet with an aspirant for the first time, I invite the meeting to (a) get to know each other a little; (b) learn about what has brought the aspirant to therapy and what their expectations are of the process; and (c) share with the aspirant how I work and equally, if not more important, how I do not work.
When I begin sharing with the aspirant how I work and do not
work, I typically begin by talking about how I do not work. I explain that I do
not give advice and I share that I do not give advice for three important
reasons:
1.
It is none of my business how someone lives
their life. I should be coming to a session with an aspirant in non-judgement.
How someone lives their life is a divine fulfillment of their free will and the
choices they make. It is not up to me to interfere with the aspirant’s free
will and decision making.
2.
I cannot know what is best for someone. I can
only know what it best for me. The most I can do is to help the person discover
what is best for themselves.
3.
I have to let people live their own lives and
learn their own lessons. I can accompany an aspirant on the journey, and
support them as requested, but telling them how to live their lives is not what
we do in Sacred Attention Therapy (SAT).
More than once an aspirant has said to me after hearing the
above, “If you aren’t going to give me any advice, why am I coming to you?”
Their question gives me important insight to their expectations of the
therapeutic process.
I typically reply, “That is a very good question; why are
you coming to me?!” The question allows me to probe further into the true (or
truer) reason(s) the person is coming to therapy. In SAT we are all too aware
that the reason the aspirant thinks they are company to therapy is not the
‘real’ reason. It is rare that an aspirant it mature and evolved enough to know
the depths of truth that has brought them to therapy. We pay close attention to
the reasons the aspirant thinks they are coming to therapy, and we hold the
awareness lightly; knowing that the truth will reveal itself in time, should
the aspirant choose to embark on the inner journey.
My life teachings have intuitively guided me toward
listening to my own heart in all matters. I simply do not understand why anyone
would want to take someone else’s advice. Wouldn’t we be far better off to do
whatever it is we need to do to develop our own strength and sense of guidance
in life? Why would we want to give over that gift, that power, that sense of
knowing to someone else? It doesn’t make sense to me. What does make sense to
me is to develop a relationship and/or connection with that authentic part of
ourselves that can truly and honestly guide us lovingly through life.
SAT is not alone in this foundational practice of not giving
advice. Parker Palmer talks about the perils of giving advice this way:
Here’s the deal. The
human soul doesn’t want to be advised or fixed or saved. It simply wants to be
witnessed—to be seen, heard and companioned exactly as it is. When we make that
kind of deep bow to the soul of a suffering person, our respect reinforces the
soul’s healing resources, the only resources that can help the sufferer make it
through.1
Heather Plett says it this way:
To truly support people
in their own growth, transformation, grief, etc., we can’t do it by taking
their power away (i.e., trying to fix their problems), shaming them (i.e.,
implying that they should know more than they do), or overwhelming them (i.e.,
giving them more information than they’re ready for). We have to be prepared to
step to the side so that they can make their own choices, offer them
unconditional love and support, give gentle guidance when it’s needed, and make
them feel safe even when they make mistakes.2
In our topsy-turvy world, people want answers. The reason
people want answers is because they have lost their inner guidance system—their
ability to know what is right for them. Richard Harvey writes “What went wrong?
Has there ever been a time when people looked so desperately for guidance, when
their inner sense of referral was so lacking? When their alienation from their
inner wisdom was so total.3
In SAT, if we do anything, we give the aspirant back to
themselves. We offer with our presence to show, once again, the aspirant their
true, Divine self—the Self that is omniscient, omnipotent, and omnipresent.
Through a process of listening with the whole self to the soul of the other,
SAT practitioners foster the removal of the blockages to truth. And that’s all
therapy is, nothing more and nothing less, the removal of the blockages to
truth.
There is nothing right or wrong, good or bad about giving
advice. But the old parable about giving a man a fish, versus teaching a man
how to fish comes to mind. As the parable goes, a man is given the opportunity
to either give a man a fish to feed him and him and his hungry family, or to teach
the man how to fish. The fisherman responds to the options with this gem of
wisdom:
“Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, feed him
for a lifetime.”
I see advice in the same light. Give advice and feed the
aspirant for the day. Witness and commune with the soul and feed the aspirant
for a lifetime.
1. 1. Palmer, Parker. “My Misgivings About Advice.” www.awakin.org.
January 23, 2017.
2. 2. Plett, Heather. “What It Means To ‘Hold Space’
For People, Plus Eight Tips On How To Do It Well.” www.heatherplatt.com. March, 11,
2015.
3. 3. Harvey, Richard. “I Give You Back
YourSelf.” http://www.therapyandspirituality.com/articles/i-give-you-back-yourself.html
Robert Meagher has
been ordained as an Interfaith Minister and certified as a Sacred
Attention Therapy (SAT) Therapist. Robert is the Founder and
Spiritual Director for Spiritual Guidance
and Co-Founder of the Center for Human Awakening.
Endings? Or Beginnings?
by Robert Meagher on 02/04/19
In the summer
of 2013, Richard Harvey and I embarked on a journey to develop and launch an
online training program for Sacred Attention Therapy (SAT). After an initial
series of videoconference calls, we established the training was intended for 3
audiences:
- therapists – psychotherapists, counselors, and other healing practitioners
- people who want to train to become SAT therapists
- seekers who wish to practice SAT for their own personal growth and spiritual development
In earnest we
began our collaboration. Richard started writing the lectures and supporting
documents; in parallel he recorded the lectures. I turned my attention to
figuring out the technology end of the equation: What platform would we host
the training on? How would students be enrolled? What would the student
experience look like? Etc. In parallel, I served as a second eye for the
lectures and supporting documents.
The process was
daunting. Month after month Richard toiled over the lecture material and
supporting documents. I would make a discovery and progress in one area of the
technology equation, only to be set back with the realization of the
challenges, shortcomings, and/or glitches with the approach being considered.
There were times when the entire process seemed out of reach.
But we
persisted and in January 2015, SAT online training, Level 1, was launched.
Since that time students from around the world have applied and enroled in this
progressive, radical, and innovative psycho-spiritual psychotherapeutic
training program. Very soon after Level 1 was launched, Richard and I talked
about developing Level 2 of the training program.
Four years
later, with many of the same challenges we faced in Level 1 training
development and production, Level 2 of SAT Online Training has been launched.
Level 2 has a distinctly different look and feel. The content is very
different, but a natural extension of Level 1 training, and the lectures
themselves have a very different look and feel to them.
When Richard sent
me the final written material for the Level 2 course, he expressed great joy
that this Level of the training had been completed. Four years of hard work had
come to conclusion—it had ended. I smiled along with Richard at his, at our,
sense of accomplishment. Indeed, there was a great sense of accomplishment
knowing that all our hard work had finally come to fruition.
For me,
however, there was an overwhelming sense that this journey, with SAT Online
Training, Level 2, had only just begun. Yes, the course material was completed,
developed, packaged, and launched; but now the journey of sharing this
progressive, radical, and innovative psycho-spiritual psychotherapeutic
training program with the world would begin.
This ending and
beginning with SAT Online Training, Level 2, got me thinking about how we treat
endings and beginnings in our lives. How do we deal with endings? Do we resist
endings? Do we run away? Do we loathe endings? Or do we embrace endings? Do we
celebrate endings? And what about beginnings? How do we treat beginnings? Are
they reason or cause for joy? Concern? Fear? Of course the answer to any of
these questions may differ, depending on the situation. But, in general, how do
you treat or deal with beginnings and endings?
Birth and Death
Is there any
more poignant metaphor for beginnings and endings than the societal metaphor of
life and death. Conventional wisdom has us being born to start our life, and
dying to end our life. It was not until my 30s that I questioned this story of
birth and death.
I can’t
remember exactly where I heard the
following, but it was either on a radio or TV show many years ago. The host of
the radio or TV show was sharing that many of the great faith and spiritual
traditions share the common pedagogy that when we die, as our soul leaves this
realm, we pass through a dark tunnel but we see a light at the end of the
tunnel. Many spiritual and faith traditions indoctrinate their faithful to “go
to the light” upon their passage to the mythological heaven. The host of the
show then shared their ponderings about what it must be like for a newborn
child to pass through the birth canal. The newborn child may experience a dark
tunnel but see or sense a light at the end of the tunnel. The host of the TV
show asked if is was possible that the process of death as we commonly know it
was merely a passage way from one life, one ending, to a rebirth or new
beginning?
If this be so,
is there really an ending or beginning? I have heard it said that death is not
the end of life and birth is not the beginning. Life always was, always is, and will always be.
The Flow of Life
Is it possible
that death and birth, endings and beginnings, are the natural flow of
never-ending life? What happens when we examine these matters from our mind
versus our heart? When we open up our heart center, do death and birth allow us
to see endings and beginnings differently?
Robert Meagher has
been ordained as an Interfaith Minister and certified as a Sacred
Attention Therapy (SAT) Therapist. Robert is the Founder and
Spiritual Director for Spiritual Guidance
and Co-Founder of the Center for Human Awakening.
The Final Frontier…Is It Small Stuff?
by Robert Meagher on 01/02/19
Gene Roddenberry’s immortal words at the beginning of the
original Star Trek television series, “The Final Frontier,” ushered in each
episode of this timeless space odyssey. The final frontier referred to in Star Trek
was space.
From an earthly perspective, space does indeed seem like the
final frontier. We humans seem to have exhausted our exploration and discovery
of planet earth. What’s next? Well, the final frontier of course! Space, outer
space, the great mystery. What’s there? What’s really there? What have we to
discover?
But what if there’s a different frontier to be explored and
discovered? A frontier that offers us everything we ever imagined and ever
wanted. What if this final frontier is actually staring us right in the face,
metaphorically speaking.
This final frontier I am referring to came into focus during
a period of tribulation. I was troubling myself with a situation that seemed
rather significant and important. I felt I was faced with making a decision
about how to handle the situation. After several days of pontification, I
welcomed a teaching from Richard Carlson, Ph.D., to enter my awareness that
brought me some peace. The teaching is, “Don’t
sweat the small stuff. And remember, it’s all small stuff.”
As I laughed at myself, and how I allowed a situation to
consume me. I was also reminded how powerful our minds are and how this
frontier, the mind, may just be the ‘final frontier’ that Gene Roddenberry was
referring to.
The mind is an extraordinary construct. It is also a rather
persistent fabric of our imagination. In reality, in truth, there is no mind
that is separate from the One Mind. But we have studied and practiced well the
way of separative minds and thought. The more we practice using this illusory
‘mind,’ the more powerful it becomes. The more we turn to it for our very
existence.
As many who have come before have realized, the mind may be
our final frontier. The mind may be the final search, the final discovery. This
illusory ‘mind’ may just be the last refuge and our doorway to peace. But it is
not an understanding of the mind that is needed, it is the very thing the mind
does not want us to do…to let it go.
And the ancient teachings know the method to letting go of
the mind. The age-old practice of meditation is such a way. In meditation, we
are given a window on ‘no thought.’ We are given a mirror on our mind. We are
given an opportunity to simply observe our mind and its raucous nonsense and
effervescent musings. When we practice the art of observing our mind in action,
and we practice it consistently enough, we do begin to awaken to the teaching “Don’t sweat the small staff. And remember,
it’s all small stuff.”
Robert Meagher has been ordained as an Interfaith Minister and certified as a Sacred Attention Therapy (SAT) Therapist. Robert is the Founder and Spiritual Director for Spiritual Guidance and Co-Founder of the Center for Human Awakening.
I have nothing more to say, and I couldn’t be happier!
by Robert Meagher on 12/03/18
When I was a little boy, I learned how to speak English.
Speaking became my primary way of communicating with others. I was taught how
to communicate verbally so that I could interact with others and let my needs
and wants be known.
As I grew into adolescence, I was taught how to refine my speech
to fully express myself. Expressing myself in verbal speech spilled over into
the written word. As I progressed through adolescence and entered into the
world of higher education, expressing myself verbally and in writing became
encouraged, prized, and rewarded. I remember during one particular university
semester, several different professors encouraged me time and time again to
“Write more, go deeper. I want you to express yourself more fully and deeply.”
After graduating from university, entering both adulthood
and the workforce, written and verbal communication took on a life of its own.
Writing and publishing articles and books, speaking at conferences around the
world, all became the new norm. The expectations grew and so too did the
stakes!
All through my youth, adolescence and adulthood I was
oriented toward silence and stillness. Secretly I pondered solitude in all its
glorious possibilities. As I raced my way through my career, and enjoyed more
success in my written and verbal communication, inside I was conflicted. I
never understood what all the fuss was about regarding the written or spoken
word. And public speaking was losing its luster. All around me was the
messaging to ‘speak up!’ Professional endeavors at the time also confronted me
with the ever-increasing opportunity to defend my views and enter into dialogue
that was nothing more than conflict veiled in the name of professional
development and advancement. I was tired of it all!
In 2009 when I left Corporate Canada, I discovered a way
through life that allowed me to embrace silence, stillness, and solitude. And
yet, even in this new, very different, milieu there remained the ever-present
call to verbal and written communication and dialogue that sometimes was, once
again, conflict veiled in the name of development and advancement.
The transition from Corporate Canada to ministry since 2009
has allowed me to let go of so much, including my need to engage in the
societal norms and expectation regarding verbal and written communication. Yes,
I still write. Yes, I still do public speaking. I facilitate many groups each
week. But all this communication is offered in service to the Divine, rather
than ego-aggrandizement. I am becoming less and less interested in casual
conversation and I am completely disinterested in any form of conflictual
dialogue and defense.
Many have written about how intimacy and communion thrive in
silence and stillness; people like Anthony Storr, Michael Harris, Robert Kull,
Gabriel Garcia Marquez, May Sarton, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Ruth Haley Barton,
Richard Harvey, et. al. I experienced this first-hand on a ski vacation to a
very popular ski resort in Canada, Whistler Mountain. One day I took the
chairlift to the top of Whistler Peak, found a secluded spot and just sat
there! With stillness all around me, and the wind whistling, I found a profound
presence in the stillness. It was as if the wind was speaking to me. There was
presence in solitude. There was sound in silence.
This intimacy and communion with life, through silence and
stillness, I offer to the Divine in sacred service. The primary means for this
offering are the psychotherapy practice and groups I facilitate. I am given the
opportunity to listen…to truly listen! True listening embraces a shared
experience, a felt experience with the other. Listening to their voice,
listening to what their gestures and physical movements are telling me. If I
listen carefully enough, a connectedness and synergy arises. A truth emerges.
Today, I am far more interested in listening than speaking
or writing. I am more interested in stillness, silence, and solitude. In
stillness and silence is everything I need and want. Solitude is not about
whisking myself away to a secluded space or place. Solitude is about coming to
rest in peace in my true, authentic self. I can easily be in solitude among 100
people as I can in an isolated setting 100s of miles from civilization.
Alas, in truth, I am coming to rest in a very peaceful place
of knowing that I have nothing more to say…and I couldn’t be happier!
Robert Meagher has
been ordained as an Interfaith Minister and certified as a Sacred Attention Therapy (SAT) Therapist. Robert is the Founder and Spiritual Director for Spiritual
Guidance and Co-Founder of the Center for Human Awakening.
We Learn by Teaching
by Robert Meagher on 11/02/18
There is an old saying, “We learn what we want to teach. And
we teach what we want to learn.” A recent experience made this wonderful
teaching come to life.
I have recently been blessed to teach English to students of
other languages (TESOL; what used to be called ESL). The students of other
languages in this case are Chinese children between the ages 6 - 12. A given
student’s ability to speak English varies widely. Fortunately, the classes are
always one-on-one and provide ample opportunity for focused attention on the
individual student’s needs.
With few exceptions, classes focus on speaking English,
saying words and short sentences. More advanced students are encouraged to
engage in conversation and expand their vocabulary. For a lucky few, grammar is
brought into the class environment.
Being a native English speaker, speaking and writing in the
English language feels quite natural. However, something that has never felt
natural to me is English grammar. Subject, object, predicate, adjective, verb,
adverb, conjunction, etc. Sometimes it feels like I am speaking another
language when I start to use grammatical terms. Needless to say I have
struggled with grammar much of my life. For the most part I memorized the rules
but it never came natural to me. So when the opportunity to teach grammar to
Chinese children presented itself, memories of my own struggles with grammar
came rushing in.
But this time around, something quite interesting emerged.
As I prepared myself to teach grammar, I ended up teaching myself (stated with
the utmost humility). The more I taught grammar, the more I learned grammar.
And the more I learned grammar, the more respect and appreciation I had for
grammar. And the more respect and appreciation I gained for grammar, the more I
enjoyed it.
The experience brought the ancient teachings come to life:
“We learn what we want to teach. And we teach what we want to learn.” Perhaps
more importantly, I was reminded of the teaching that we and others learn by
what we are teaching. If we teach love, we and others learn love. If we teach
joy, we and others learn joy. We learn whatever it is we are teaching. The
implications for everyday life are profound.
How do we walk through life? What are we teaching? What are
we learning?
Robert Meagher has been ordained as an Interfaith Minister and certified as a Sacred Attention Therapy (SAT) Therapist. Robert is the Founder and Spiritual Director for Spiritual Guidance and Co-Founder of the Center for Human Awakening.