Spiritual Guidance Blog
Acceptance As My Pathway to Peace
by Robert Meagher on 07/02/19
Eight months after a tornado
ripped through the city I live in, I cycled through a neighborhood where the
tornado had touched down. What was once a neighborhood with houses lining the
streets and old-growth trees creating a canopy over everything, was now a
barren and desolate feeling landscape.
Most of the trees were gone. Many of the houses were still standing, however.
You could clearly see where some houses had already been repaired, while others
were in various states of repair or disrepair. It was also clear that many had
been abandoned.
There was a large power line that cut through the centre of this neighborhood.
On one side of the power line was destruction. On the other side of the power
line was pristine, untouched property. The contrast was striking.
My thoughts ranged from the awe of the power of nature, to how lucky some
properties were on one side of the power line, to how heart-wrenching it was to
see the devastation on the other side of the power line...less than 100 meters
away.
There was the momentary deluge
of WHY questions that entered my psyche. Why did the tornado hit the community
on that side of the power line? Why did the tornado leave the community on the
other side of the power line untouched? Why did this happen at all!?
The experience made me realize
that we ask the WHY question a lot! If anything untoward happens in our life,
we tend to default to a litany of WHY questions, that typically starts with Why is this happening to me?...and then
spreads out to include such endless inquiry as… Why are you doing that to me? Why are you being so mean? Why me? Why
not someone else? Why are you hurting me? And the litany of WHY questions
goes on infinitum.
I learned that asking WHY does
not bring me peace. Asking WHY tends only to feed a loathsome self-pity and
lead me into energies of anger and hatred.
My peace can only be found in
an acceptance of what is; an acceptance of life on its terms, not how I want it
to be. The sooner I can accept what is transpiring, the sooner I can return to
a grounded sense of peace. It is during times, episodes and events that have an
element of extreme upheaval about them that our acceptance is challenged.
Take, for example, the tornado
and the resulting damage. How can one accept such an event and the devastation
it produced? This kind of acceptance is only possible through a deep trust in
life—that everything, with no exception, happens for our good. Even a tornado!
Yes, life does seem to present us with challenges and challenging situations.
But they will only seem like a challenge for as long as we resist them. Learn
from them if we can; but accept them we must, if we are to be at peace.
Robert Meagher has
been ordained as an Interfaith Minister and certified as a Sacred Attention Therapy (SAT) Therapist. Robert is the Founder and Spiritual
Director for Spiritual Guidance and Co-Founder of the Center for Human Awakening.
A Journey with Grace through Transformation
by Robert Meagher on 06/03/19
Let me, first, define what I mean by
‘grace’ so that I can then examine grace in the context of the sequential steps
of transformation: awareness, acceptance, and change. Grace is an exalted state
of divine influence resulting in no difficulties, challenges, struggles, guilt
or burdens.
Grace may come through awareness in those
moments when time seems to stand still. At times it can feel like a flash of
light. Something dawns on us—a new insight, seeing something a different way or
anew, realizing our judgements or condemnations. This awareness may come out of
the blue. It may come from a traumatic event. Or it may come as a result of our
devotional or similar practice. But grace is always brought to and through us.
Grace is not something we do necessarily. It is an allowing, mostly
unconscious, of something other than our small self to show us something else,
a new vision.
Even though we may be shown something anew,
it does not necessarily mean we will accept and adopt that new vision. In the
movie classic Christmas Carol the
main character, Ebenezer Scrooge, was visited by three ghosts and shown things
from his past, present and future. Initially, Mr. Scrooge did not want to
accept many of these visions. It was only toward the end of his journey into
the future did Mr. Scrooge begin to accept what he was being shown. Once Mr.
Scrooge began to accept what he was being shown, did change unfold and occur.
The story of the Christmas Carol is symbolic of so many of our journey with grace
through awareness, acceptance and change. Allow me to use a personal example of
journey with grace through awareness, acceptance and change.
In 2006 grace came to me in a
flash-of-light-like experience. On a fateful 2006 morning, I woke to a clear
and audible message. It was the closest I’ve ever come in my life to ‘hearing’
a voice from the ethers speak to me. The message was “Rob, simplify you life:
materially, financially, relationally (i.e., with other people).” In the days
that followed I became intensely aware how unhappy I was with my life. At the
time I was still in the headspace of blaming everything and everyone around me
for my unhappiness (i.e., it’s there fault; they did this; they did that,
etc.). But the underlying awareness of my unhappiness was acute.
Fear quickly reared its head as I asked
myself the questions: “What do I do now? How do I change my life? What do I
change? What do I change to?” The
fear was so intense that I momentarily (i.e., weeks) denied change was possible
and resolved myself to the fact that this sorry state of my life was my lot in
life. But grace flowed in again to give me the courage to accept that if I
wanted my life to change, then I had to change my life (i.e., no one or no
thing was going to do it for me). When I began working with a Life Coach in 2007,
I began to accept and be willing to take responsibility for my life.
Fear was ever-present throughout the
transformation; but so was grace. I reached a point in the transformation that
the fear of change was less than the fear of staying the same. It was at that
grace-filled moment that I knew change was possible. Even after releasing
myself from Corporate Canada in August 2009, and jettisoning a way of life, the
fear remained. But again, grace showed the way.
I surrendered to life. I can remember lying
in bed, trembling with fear… “What am I going to do now!?” I was out of work
(for the first time in my life!). I had no solid leads on a new job. It felt
like I was afloat in the middle of the ocean with no sight of shore. The boat I
was in felt very small and not particularly sea-worthy! But I would lullaby
myself to sleep each night with the words… “Thy will be done. You have me now.
Guide me where you would have me be.”
As the days, months and years unfolded,
change slowly and gradually occurred. And as the days, month and years
unfolded, I came to trust more in life. I was able to trust more in life
because grace was walking along side me. I was able to tune in more to grace’s
divine-filled presence and allow it to guide me. The result was fewer difficulties,
challenges, struggles, guilt or burdens.
Robert
Meagher has been ordained as an Interfaith Minister and certified as a Sacred Attention Therapy (SAT) Therapist. Robert is the Founder and Spiritual
Director for Spiritual Guidance and Co-Founder of the Center for Human Awakening.
We Are Only Ever Seeing Ourselves
by Robert Meagher on 05/02/19
Many spiritual teachings inspire us to an awareness that we
only ever meet ourselves; that every person we see is a mirror on our soul. I
have come to learn what a beautiful blessing and teaching this is.
Everyone we have every met or seen in our lives merely shows
us an aspect of ourselves. We are given the opportunity to observe ourselves.
This teaching is perhaps most challenging to accept when we
look upon someone and condemn them for being any host of personalities or
characters that society would frown upon—everything from the thief, rapist,
dictator or child molester. Whatever it is we are seeing, is merely a
reflection of that aspect of ourselves that lays in our sub-conscious or
unconscious.
Equally true, however, are those people we look upon and see
beauty or good. These aspects of ourselves also lay just below the surface of
our conscious awareness. But they are there. That is why we are seeing them.
So what are we to do with this teaching, this awareness?
With an awareness of this teaching in our lives, we are
given the opportunity to be less reactive to anyone or anything that appears in
our lives. As each person comes in and out of our lives, we learn to become
more an observer of the other person rather than a reactor to the other person.
We begin to become more curious or interested in other people, regardless of
what the other person appears to be showing us.
Where this teaching guides us is to the ultimate awareness
that because we only ever see ourselves in other people, there actually is no
other person. There is no person that is separate and distinct from us. This
awareness brings us into unity consciousness as we realize the oneness that
surrounds us at all times.
Robert Meagher has
been ordained as an Interfaith Minister and certified as a Sacred Attention Therapy (SAT) Therapist. Robert is the Founder and Spiritual
Director for Spiritual Guidance and Co-Founder of the Center for Human Awakening.
Turning Everything into An Opportunity for Gratitude and Love
by Robert Meagher on 04/03/19
The more I engage in spiritual practice, the longer I devote
myself to spiritual practice, the more I see opportunities to turn anything and
everything into an opportunity for gratitude and love. Allow me to explain
through a recent experience.
I recently embarked on an adventure to publish an article on
a popular online repository. The name of this online repository is irrelevant,
it differs only in form from any other popular online repository. My thoughts
about one repository over another is merely a reflection and projection of my
judgements. But I digress. Back to the opportunities to turn everything into a
practice of gratitude and love…
The online repository I was working on had many people
(potentially) comment on the article in production. This was before it even
made it to published space. A few comments were very helpful; some were
neutral, neither helpful or unhelpful; some were confusing and did not help me
any; and some seemed rather harsh, judgmental and some even accused me of acts
I had no idea I had been perceived to have committed in preparing the article.
The helpful and neutral comments were easy to take. The
confusing comments were, for the most part, frustrating. The harsh comments
felt hurtful (at times) and embittered. It was the harsh comments that I
reacted most profoundly to. I did want to ‘attack’ back. I wanted to defend
myself. I wanted to point out that the other person was wrong in their
judgements about me and their comments were inappropriate.
The first thing I did was…nothing. My spiritual practice has
taught me that to respond back out of ‘reaction’ would do nothing for anyone.
My spiritual practice allowed awareness that what was unfolding was merely a
reflection of my own inner state of being. My work was not in attacking back;
my work was in exploring my inner world and thoughts to learn from what was
unfolding, to assess what I was perceiving and to take stalk of my own
judgements and projections.
As I began this unravelling and unfolding process, I was
able to begin to give thanks for the opportunity this experience was giving me.
I was being given the opportunity to practice patience. I was being given the
opportunity to practice receiving feedback. I was being given the opportunity
to practice not judging others, even though it felt like they were judging me.
I was being given the opportunity to discovery the chinks in my emotional and
psychological armour. I was being given the opportunity to heal.
As I became more and more aware of what this opportunity was
offering me, I became aware of my gratitude for this opportunity. And as I
became more aware of my gratitude for this opportunity, I was able to open
myself to the possibility of not only loving the experience, but also loving
all the people involved in the experience, including those who offered feedback
that I perceived as harsh and accusatory.
We can turn anything
and everything into an opportunity for gratitude and love. Our ability to
create ‘space’ between the event(s) and our response to the event(s)—the less reactive
we are and the more responsive we become—is in direct proportion to our
personal and spiritual growth and development.
Robert Meagher has
been ordained as an Interfaith Minister and certified as a Sacred Attention Therapy (SAT) Therapist. Robert is the Founder and Spiritual
Director for Spiritual Guidance and Co-Founder of the Center for Human Awakening.
Giving Advice and Sacred Attention Therapy
by Robert Meagher on 03/02/19
The therapeutic process is a mystery. And Sacred Attention Therapy (SAT) is no exception. To help demystify the process, I offer an introductory session to new aspirants. When I meet with an aspirant for the first time, I invite the meeting to (a) get to know each other a little; (b) learn about what has brought the aspirant to therapy and what their expectations are of the process; and (c) share with the aspirant how I work and equally, if not more important, how I do not work.
When I begin sharing with the aspirant how I work and do not
work, I typically begin by talking about how I do not work. I explain that I do
not give advice and I share that I do not give advice for three important
reasons:
1.
It is none of my business how someone lives
their life. I should be coming to a session with an aspirant in non-judgement.
How someone lives their life is a divine fulfillment of their free will and the
choices they make. It is not up to me to interfere with the aspirant’s free
will and decision making.
2.
I cannot know what is best for someone. I can
only know what it best for me. The most I can do is to help the person discover
what is best for themselves.
3.
I have to let people live their own lives and
learn their own lessons. I can accompany an aspirant on the journey, and
support them as requested, but telling them how to live their lives is not what
we do in Sacred Attention Therapy (SAT).
More than once an aspirant has said to me after hearing the
above, “If you aren’t going to give me any advice, why am I coming to you?”
Their question gives me important insight to their expectations of the
therapeutic process.
I typically reply, “That is a very good question; why are
you coming to me?!” The question allows me to probe further into the true (or
truer) reason(s) the person is coming to therapy. In SAT we are all too aware
that the reason the aspirant thinks they are company to therapy is not the
‘real’ reason. It is rare that an aspirant it mature and evolved enough to know
the depths of truth that has brought them to therapy. We pay close attention to
the reasons the aspirant thinks they are coming to therapy, and we hold the
awareness lightly; knowing that the truth will reveal itself in time, should
the aspirant choose to embark on the inner journey.
My life teachings have intuitively guided me toward
listening to my own heart in all matters. I simply do not understand why anyone
would want to take someone else’s advice. Wouldn’t we be far better off to do
whatever it is we need to do to develop our own strength and sense of guidance
in life? Why would we want to give over that gift, that power, that sense of
knowing to someone else? It doesn’t make sense to me. What does make sense to
me is to develop a relationship and/or connection with that authentic part of
ourselves that can truly and honestly guide us lovingly through life.
SAT is not alone in this foundational practice of not giving
advice. Parker Palmer talks about the perils of giving advice this way:
Here’s the deal. The
human soul doesn’t want to be advised or fixed or saved. It simply wants to be
witnessed—to be seen, heard and companioned exactly as it is. When we make that
kind of deep bow to the soul of a suffering person, our respect reinforces the
soul’s healing resources, the only resources that can help the sufferer make it
through.1
Heather Plett says it this way:
To truly support people
in their own growth, transformation, grief, etc., we can’t do it by taking
their power away (i.e., trying to fix their problems), shaming them (i.e.,
implying that they should know more than they do), or overwhelming them (i.e.,
giving them more information than they’re ready for). We have to be prepared to
step to the side so that they can make their own choices, offer them
unconditional love and support, give gentle guidance when it’s needed, and make
them feel safe even when they make mistakes.2
In our topsy-turvy world, people want answers. The reason
people want answers is because they have lost their inner guidance system—their
ability to know what is right for them. Richard Harvey writes “What went wrong?
Has there ever been a time when people looked so desperately for guidance, when
their inner sense of referral was so lacking? When their alienation from their
inner wisdom was so total.3
In SAT, if we do anything, we give the aspirant back to
themselves. We offer with our presence to show, once again, the aspirant their
true, Divine self—the Self that is omniscient, omnipotent, and omnipresent.
Through a process of listening with the whole self to the soul of the other,
SAT practitioners foster the removal of the blockages to truth. And that’s all
therapy is, nothing more and nothing less, the removal of the blockages to
truth.
There is nothing right or wrong, good or bad about giving
advice. But the old parable about giving a man a fish, versus teaching a man
how to fish comes to mind. As the parable goes, a man is given the opportunity
to either give a man a fish to feed him and him and his hungry family, or to teach
the man how to fish. The fisherman responds to the options with this gem of
wisdom:
“Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, feed him
for a lifetime.”
I see advice in the same light. Give advice and feed the
aspirant for the day. Witness and commune with the soul and feed the aspirant
for a lifetime.
1. 1. Palmer, Parker. “My Misgivings About Advice.” www.awakin.org.
January 23, 2017.
2. 2. Plett, Heather. “What It Means To ‘Hold Space’
For People, Plus Eight Tips On How To Do It Well.” www.heatherplatt.com. March, 11,
2015.
3. 3. Harvey, Richard. “I Give You Back
YourSelf.” http://www.therapyandspirituality.com/articles/i-give-you-back-yourself.html
Robert Meagher has
been ordained as an Interfaith Minister and certified as a Sacred
Attention Therapy (SAT) Therapist. Robert is the Founder and
Spiritual Director for Spiritual Guidance
and Co-Founder of the Center for Human Awakening.
