Spiritual Guidance Blog

Those of you who have been following my caregiving journey over the past months and years, know that I have served as the sole and soul caregiver for my partner who lives with advanced stages of Parkinsons and dementia. May brought about a new chapter in that caregiving journey.

One Saturday evening at the beginning of May, my partner experienced paralysis. He simply could not move, let alone get in or out of bed. Within 48 hours, we placed two 911 calls. The first call brought us to hospital emergency, only to be discharged 10 hours later, once his mobility returned. The second call brought us back to hospital emergency for the same reason (paralysis). Gratefully, a doctor who cared enough to take a more wholistic view of the situation, admitted my partner to the hospital for observation.

Over the following days, after a banter of tests, consultations, and assessments by neurologists, geriatricians, occupational therapists, physiotherapists, social workers, dementia specialists, and a cast of other well-meaning people in white lab coats, it was determined that my partner was not able to return home. My partner would be transitioned into the long-term care system.

The path into a long-term care home was not clear. It was possible my partner would remain in hospital for a few months before moving to a ‘transition’ facility, where he would wait for a bed / room to become available in a long-term care home. The wait in the transition facility, I was told, could be upwards to a year before a bed becomes available in a long-term care home.

The preceding events created a set of circumstances that resulted in having to sell our home and for me to find another place to live. I was able to sell our home quickly and moved in to an apartment in September.

At the risk of sounding dramatic, I cannot remember life offering me such an emotional-charged set of circumstances. Yes, it felt stressful. Yes, I felt anxiety most days. Yes, things felt very dark. But…there is also light in the dark.

My daily visits with my partner in the hospital became a devotional practice. As challenging as the times felt, visiting my partner was an opportunity to practice compassion and to try, as best I could, to offer support to my partner during this end-of-life chapter of his life. It was an opportunity to, no matter how bad things looked, to put someone else’s needs ahead of mine; to get outside of myself at a time that tends to persuade you that it’s all about you!

My partner and I had some wonderful, tender moments in the hospital room. Amidst the decrepit, antiseptic-laden walls of a run-down hospital, these tender moments are etched in my mind and a vivid reminder that, in the end, all that really matters is love.

As I put one foot in front of the other each day, there have been numerous, not-so-little signs that all is in divine order; that life has aligned for me and that life has my back. Seemingly serendipitous events are commonly sharing their light with me and people are coming out of the woodwork to offer assistance and support—people I never would have thought would care-a-less.

I am grateful for my spiritual practice and never-more-aware how grounding and nurturing my devoted practice has become over the years. My devotional practice has brought with it a resolute faith that there are blessings in here for me. It is difficult to see them at this time. I too realize this is all happening for my good and that I will come through this enriched and grateful. I also accept and surrender to the awareness that I must GO THROUGH this in order to realize the blessings.

Devotion to my partner. Devotion to my spiritual practice. It is through this devotion that I am able to see the light in the darkness. And what a blessing that is!

Robert Meagher has been ordained as an Interfaith Minister and certified as a Sacred Attention Therapy (SAT) Therapist. Robert is the Founder and Spiritual Director for Spiritual Guidance and Co-Founder of the Center for Human Awakening.

You may have a perfect life. You may have an answer for everything that happens in your life. You may have everything under control. If that’s you, wonderful! But for some, perhaps many, there may be times in your life when you don’t have the answers and nothing seems to be under your control.

I experience not knowing what to do all the time. This caregiving journey I am on provides me with such experiences every day. That’s right, at least once a day, I have no idea what to do. The continued cognitive decline of my partner leaves me not knowing how to deal with situations. Seemingly, life has not prepared me for this. I don’t have the answers. I simply don’t know what to do!

This past month has opened a blessed window for me when situations and circumstances arise for which I have no answers and/or don’t know what to do. I’ve learned that…I don’t need to do anything really. I’ve learned that I need to stop ‘trying’ to do anything. If I need to do anything, it’s to trust that life will take care of the situation for me.

To not do anything is counterintuitive. “Of course I need to do something!,” I try and tell myself. “I cannot allow this to go on this way. I have to DO SOMETHING!,” I try and convince myself. “If I don’t DO SOMETHING NOW, this is going to be disastrous.” My fear takes over and I become more and more afraid.

I have had plenty of practice at DOING SOMETHING, of DOING SOMETHING NOW! My fear drives me to act. My guilt drives me to take action!

This past month has allowed me to practice a new approach to being in those moments in life when I simply don’t know what to do. I step back, out of the way, and allow life to do what it needs to do for the betterment of all. And I’ve learned this approach has not failed me.

There is an old teaching… ‘Life doesn’t happen to you. Life happens FOR you.” When I allow life to do what it needs to do for the betterment of all, I allow life to happen for me. I drop my trying to control the unfolding. When I stop trying to control the unfolding, and surrender to the unfolding, when I allow life to just do what it needs to do, in effect to take care of itself, I have been amazed that everything works out fine.

It’s a very uncomfortable place / space to be in, however. This space of the non-knowing, this space of allowing, this space of not reacting, this space of trusting.

So much of our existence reinforces the messaging that we ‘should know what to do.’ But there may be times and experiences in our lives when that is simply not the case. These times call for us to acknowledge we don’t know what to do and turn the situation over to life to take care of. It’s not a show a weakness or failure. On the contrary, it’s a show of great strength and courage! To acknowledge you don’t have the answers and allow the solution to be shown to you, takes courage beyond anything you will have demonstrated before.

When you simply don’t know what to do, stop! Let go of your need to fix or solve this problem. Allow life to show you the way. That’s when it will all work out just as it’s intended to.

Robert Meagher has been ordained as an Interfaith Minister and certified as a Sacred Attention Therapy (SAT) Therapist. Robert is the Founder and Spiritual Director for Spiritual Guidance and Co-Founder of the Center for Human Awakening.

With the myriad of emotions raging through my psyche on a daily basis, I find it helpful to go for walks each day. Some days I get out for only a minute. Other days I am able to enjoy long walks of 10+ kms. I think of all my walks as respite.

Whenever possible, I allow my walks to take me through forests or along waterways. These two elements of nature I find very nurturing, lifegiving, and rejuvenating. I consider myself very lucky to live within a short walk of some beautiful wooded trails that meander along a major river—just perfect for my healing sojourns.

Just one of the things I marvel about the trees, bushes, shrubs, and thickets along the way is the very nature, the very essence, of their being. Regardless of the weather conditions, the flora just ‘is.’ The trees, bushes, shrubs, and thickets don’t complain about anything going on around them. I wonder…does flora even have emotions? A cursory review of literature about such matters suggests that while plants lack a central nervous system, and don’t have the same ‘feelings’ that we do, flora does appear to remember stimuli and communicate with other plants about this stimulus.

Another major observation I have of flora is the ease with which it coexists with all other flora around itself. Yes, there are cases of flora moving into areas, or encroaching on ecosystems, and choking out other plant life. And there are many examples of certain flora thriving in some conditions better than others. But for the most part, flora effortlessly coexists and even supports each other. No fighting. No bickering. No arguing. Just peaceful coexistence.

When the flora’s material-world-journey has come to an end, flora simply lays itself down and allows itself to transform. There is no suffering. There is only surrender and acceptance. Will I be so graceful in my transformation?

Flora is the most vivid symbol of life as we know it. We watch it being born, from the tiniest of seedlings. We watch it grow. We watch it move in and out of hibernation, through the different seasons. Each year it shows new growth, new strength, new perseverance. Eventually, we watch it rot and decay, and give its life for the benefit of all that surrounds it. From its death, new life abounds. The circle of life is never more gracefully evident than in nature.

Flora is only ever in the present moment. There is an awareness that flora does not hold on to the past. No grudges. No grievances. All is forgiven. There is no planning. No future state to fantasize about. No desire, or even need, to be anything other than in the present moment.

The trees, bushes, shrubs, and thickets know what to do, when they need to do it. I am writing this passage on the cusp of Spring. In a few weeks, the trees will likely be budding (let’s hope!) and flowers will be blooming. All the flora knows exactly when it’s times to begin bursting into foliage. Whether it’s the light or the temperature, or a combination of both, flora knows when the time is right! They just know!

So…what can I learn from trees?

•           Simply be.
•           Coexist in harmony with everything around me.
•           Surrender and accept life on its terms.
•           Move gracefully through the cycle of life.
•             Let the past go. Forgive everything!
•             Know when it’s the right time to do anything and everything.

Trees teach me a lot!...for which I am grateful.

Robert Meagher has been ordained as an Interfaith Minister and certified as a Sacred Attention Therapy (SAT) Therapist. Robert is the Founder and Spiritual Director for Spiritual Guidance and Co-Founder of the Center for Human Awakening.

I was recently speaking with someone about the pain and suffering they were experiencing. Not surprisingly, this person was not in a happy place. Their bouts of pain and suffering had plagued them much of their lives. Their current episode of pain and suffering was among the most intense of their entire life.

This person spoke about all the times they encountered this pain and suffering. We spoke about some of the recurring themes of their pain and suffering and what seemed to be the cause. When I asked the person what they did to alleviate any given bout of pain and suffering, they said they would try and distract themselves, do something to not experience the pain and suffering. I asked them if this practice worked for them. They said it did temporarily, but the pain and suffering would always return.

I asked the person if they ever considered going into the pain and suffering. The person said they didn’t know how to ‘go into the pain and suffering,’ and, even if they knew how, they would be too afraid.

I asked the person if they could remember doing anything in their life where they simply trusted, allowed, or surrendered. “Yes,” was the answer. The person recounted many cases in their life when they trusted something unfolding, allowed it to unfold, and surrendered in the process. I invited this person to do the same with their episodes of pain and suffering; to trust, to allow, to surrender.

I shared that their pain and suffering have something to offer them. God is in the pain and suffering, just as God is in everything (as God is omnipresent). Their very healing is in the pain and suffering. But to heal we must go into and through the pain. It may feel like we are going through hell, but your healing is in going through the hell, not in staying in it. Not entering into our pain and suffering is a recipe for staying in our hell.

It is not intuitive to go into our pain and suffering. Our tendency is to want to avoid our pain and suffering. But our pain and suffering is our soul calling out for healing. Our pain and suffering, even though not the truth of our existence, is not just an opportunity to find peace in our lives, our pain and suffering is the very pathway to find peace in our lives. It is through our pain and suffering that we are shown what peace is, how to obtain peace, and how to keep it.

Our pain and suffering are not something to be avoided. Our pain and suffering are actually something to run toward. We don’t need to seek it out. It will find us, when we are ready. Pain and suffering will find us because we are not at peace. We don’t need to seek for peace, for peace is the Truth. We do, however, need to seek for what is false; and our pain and suffering is false. We need to bring our false, or illusion, to the Truth so that it may be healed.

Robert Meagher has been ordained as an Interfaith Minister and certified as a Sacred Attention Therapy (SAT) Therapist. Robert is the Founder and Spiritual Director for Spiritual Guidance and Co-Founder of the Center for Human Awakening.

In the fall of 2023, I entered the ‘dark night of the soul.’ What appeared to usher in this purification? My partner was diagnosed with dementia. My partner had already been living with Parkinsons for 20 years, and was now living with advanced stages of Parkinsons. The dementia diagnosis was not a surprise, as it is often the natural progression of Parkinsons, but it was a psychological and emotional blow!

In the weeks following the dementia diagnosis, and the realization that the dementia had been unfolding for several years, I was plunged into darkness. There was a pervading sadness that rested upon everything…like a dense, dark, heavy storm cloud moments before it opens up to poor torrents of rain upon you.

I could feel myself sinking deeper and deeper into the darkness. I could feel my body becoming heavier and heavier. The feelings and sensations grew to manifest as a constant sinus and cranial pressure. My mind was foggy most of the time. I was sleeping okay, exercising daily, and eating my usual healthy diet, but I often felt fatigued.

As my awareness of these sensations grew, I wanted to ignore them, thinking they would just dissipate. But the feelings lingered. My cursory self-diagnosis was that I was experiencing depression; as the symptoms most closely resembled depression. As I meandered my way through the stigma associated with such conditions, another, different awareness was gifted me. This was the ‘dark night of the soul’ taunting me and gesturing for me to enter into its lair.

As I approached the entrance to this dark night of the soul, my physical symptoms started to abate. My body started to lighten up; my sinus and cranial pressure loosened. But I knew that I had to enter the dark night of the soul. I knew that if I backed out, my bodily sensations would return. I knew that if I wanted to heal, I had to enter the dark night of the soul. So…I entered.

Entering the dark night of the soul was a pure act of surrender. I knew that the only way out was to go into and through the pain. This surrender allowed the bodily sensations of heaviness, sinus and cranial pressure, and mind fogginess to continue to dissipate. As I venture through this dark night of the soul, the pervading feeling of sadness remains, but the bodily sensations are lifting.

I cannot know the trajectory of my partner’s condition, and I cannot know how long my journey through the dark night of the soul may last. But I am becoming more comfortable in this unknown space—as comfortable as one can be in such a place.

As I venture through the dark night of the soul, I am reminded of the wonderful parable about a student having an audience with his teacher. During this meeting, the student shares with the teacher that he is experiencing suffering. The student shares in detail what is happening in his life that results in his suffering. After listening intently for a while, the teacher gently smiles, and says to the student, “You are not experiencing suffering. You are suffering your experience.”

The parable is a poignant reminder of how we see our suffering; that we even see suffering at all! I have given myself permission to feel what it is I am feeling about my experience. I have given myself permission to see this experience as a spiritual purification; of what?...that remains to be seen. I have given myself permission to continue to surrender to this journey through the dark night of the soul and to allow the journey to reveal to me what it is trying to teach me. I remain open and receptive.

Robert Meagher has been ordained as an Interfaith Minister and certified as a Sacred Attention Therapy (SAT) Therapist. Robert is the Founder and Spiritual Director for Spiritual Guidance and Co-Founder of the Center for Human Awakening.